yr dum

im not clever, im not cute
im not a piece of shit
im not like you.

there is nothing i can say to express who i am
and there is nothing i can do to pretend i am the man i want to be
there is always someone in the way of the woman i want to see
and there is nowhere i can hide to run away from me
there is no sense in trying to explain what i mean
because in the end i will always be someone i never wanted to be
i guess me and myself is all i need.

i remember your cold tongue around my brain
the words you mumbled,
the fear of getting sick,
and the moment i knew you were sucking someone elses dick.

compose

i watched the sun rise and i watched it set
i saw it as it came and as it went
and very moment wasted was a moment never spent
was this misery all i was meant
never will i sleep and as the time goes so does my resent
may this night end my torment
like all things, my life will consent
no one watched as the sun came or as it went

take good care of them for me.

love is lush green
have it fill this room
may it always be like this
let the sun know no moon
have earth show us her garden
and watch as her children bloom
have us take flight
and listen to the avians croon
i wish we couldn't fly
because your eyes are what i've been falling into
look upon our canvas,
no men are sad, empty are their saloons
settle on our made bed
and feel our hearts beat a much different tune
don't speak, let there be no volume
there is something i've wanted to say, and its well overdue
i'd rather die alone
then live without you

directed by me

frame by frame, you would walk by
past vaudeville and after
the color never came, nor did sound
text was shown every so often
"why am i here"
"this wasn't what i wanted"
"what the fuck is wrong with me"
the reel had skipped many scenes these 6 years
the moments of happiness
cheer, glee, and love
were not there
i wrote happiness
i wrote love
this was my script and i had directed this
where is my creation?

drink by drink, you would cross my mind
you were my star
the great romantic
heart warming
sensual
perfect
i never thought i could write you to be happy
but couldn't direct you.
my great romance
my all to real tragedy
the romance with no love
the lips with no smile
the heart without me
this was our film but this was my mistake.

you didn't mind so much.

in this case only,
the sequel's are better anyways

cloudy

i will bury myself in ash

cold

tired of everything set for me
no loss of love
lost for the love of losing
gone far from home
because that is where my heart lives
and he kicked me out
never paid rent
my eye turned blind
so that it couldnt see behind
the trail of tears
hands have become rigor
cant grab whats left of my mind
my mouth, closed
releases the heat
ears, blue
its too cold
feet, black
its too cold
fallen
into snow
laid out
letting go
let me come home
im lost without you
i love you











brain, dead
gave up
its too cold
its cold
cold

for you

'Listen. The more men you've had, the more I love you. Do you understand that?'

'Yes, perfectly.'

'I hate purity, I hate goodness! I don't want any virtue to exist anywhere. I
want everyone to be corrupt to the bones.'

'Well then, I ought to suit you, dear. I'm corrupt to the bones.'

'You like doing this? I don't mean simply me: I mean the thing in itself?'

'I adore it.'


-1984

no posi here

strung across this canvas, a bold black line
the hand of an artist hath brought this mutiny
a lack of conformity and loss of self control this represented
a piece like this was considered modern art
another renaissance
among the filth where it was placed, was a seldom played guitar
the strings have never felt the touch of another
it had never spoke
and when it did, it knew only one chord progression
d, e, a ,d
a song like this was considered a hit
the radio started to speak those 4 chords
over and over again
so it was left where it once was
back in the gutter, the strings started to corrode
the neck started to crack
the body started to warp

and it never spoke again

thanks

i dont care about what you have done
or what you plan on doing
but whatever is given to me
shall be returned
and you may not like what you have wrought
but you will be forced to
the love you have given me is yours in return
so love it as i did.

0)))

it seems like you think getting fucked sets you free
but your beauty is covered by someone else's seed
you just look defeated, at least to me.

all hope is lost

nothing ever changes
to better or to worsen,
both start with a broken past
both end with blood on my hands
i fell onto every mistake, each a shard of glass
and every cut is a reminder of time and how it always lasts
and the tears that roll down my face
is each a memory of every moment i couldn't replace
oh why did i make myself one to hate
so i am the man i chose to create
and when i became one to love, i was told it was to late
no one forgets and no one forgives
i marked myself as wanted, and hunted is how i must live

either i pissed someone off or i am just unlucky.

lost and found

the medicinal use of words have long become immune
play and scream rehashed misfortunes
fuck you hardcore
for making me become socially inept
fuck you literacy
for making me hate myself

clouds

no matter how bad the itch
the scratch provides the temporary relief
lotion can sooth it over
the medication can cause a rash
but you never can flea me

i saw you

every word spoken makes a foul sound
a flock flying yells constantly
our name
worthless, upon our ears
i had wished you didn't hear it first
long gone, now far south
i still hear our name
and it sounds so much sweeter
now that you aren't here to agree

stolen

how did we forget
how we felt about this world
about how much she loved us
about the reason why you left us
we knew it would come to this boiling point
horizons of parallels
dust, smoke, dusk
we found what we had loved
dead below
how did we forget to say we loved you

i hate this city

sinks into the sea

california has become such a place of hype and jackassery.

fuck you, morning sun.

seven million

im 6 numbers away
5 in the morning, i still cant sleep
4 months ahead, i tried to plan it
in reality, it'll take 3 years
2 if i am lucky
why do you have to be the one for me.

titles.

i: rest.
with this is motion blur
you'd stay in each frame
each one,
trails to the beginning
of our first night
our hour.
minute.
second chance.

ii: developed,
it came to be.
the world.
when i was little
i remembered the time.
it wasn't 3:19.
i was happy.

iii: slumber
i left this all on the shelf.
who would of thought i'd look at this again.
years of dust, collected on digital calligraphy.
blowing it off, wouldn't only be the time to remember,
but also the time i ruined my dust collection.
as i read this, over and over,
i can't think of anything else that has made more of an impact on my life.
wether it be good or bad, i was able to feel.
i'll just put you back where you belong.
maybe i will be able to have the honor of blowing off the years i forgot once again.
our first night.
rest.